Panic Attack. Fears. Guilt
- Sex relieves pain, said the seminary leader on taking care of your inner monster and handed the tests to the participants
My stomach felt like it was stenching with anxiety. I had a paid ticket, the countdown was on, and I couldn’t move. It was as if I froze in mid-air to take one last look at my lost body. I had jumped off the cliff into the void so many times and it had always been easy, there was no sense of security, so the psychologists said. But now there was nothing left of safety, why then was there suddenly a creeping fear? Embrace the fear. Sincerely help or just sympathize with someone who is worse off or just feels bad on his special level. Distract yourself from your body so that when you return to it, you can find the power that is far hidden.
- The president has ordered you to kill, said the radio host and unveiled the trailer of a new show about a special operation
-Oh, it’s so nice what he thinks of us, said the young femme activists sitting in a jail cell after repeated threats of rape if they didn’t tell who was paying them for their position
They say that intuition never fails. That the first feeling is the right one, and then we start trying to rationalize our thoughts, to make them logical and correct, and that’s when we’re wrong. I am not wrong. I am rarely wrong at all, almost never. It’s probably because I have a lot of experience with all the bad stuff, and my life just consists of that crap. If something good and bright was in front of me, I would probably run to the other side of the earth, because it is impossible, it is impossible for something good to just come into my life. Today my intuition tells me calmly, but slightly tensely, that I need to make a decision. What decision and in what area, my intuition doesn’t tell me. It’s like when you witness someone’s quarrel, you feel uncomfortable and want to leave, you feel that this word or eye movement can only increase the heat of passion, and you kind of try to get away from the explosion, but somehow you end upright in the center. You’re bewildered, ashamed, afraid, and then you’re gone. I want to run, but I do not know where and at what speed, and in general, why to run, everything is good, not good, but stable and calm. Intuition? Or maybe a panic attack? All my childhood and adolescence, I turned out to experience panic attacks, I did not know then what that is called and what it is. I would suddenly get dizzy for no reason, and I felt like I was going to die. I was not in pain, I did not understand cause and effect, I just had a distinct knowledge that I was going to die right now, right this very minute. When it happened for the third time and more, I realized that no, I am not going to die, it is something else, it needs to be accepted and when it is ready, then let go and go my different ways. Later, with the development of psychology and open reasoning about psychological health, I realized that this is what I had. You bet.
- I waited painfully for love, Alice said, looking at the crushed pigeon in the middle of the road, feeling cars approaching from all directions with her back, but continuing to stand her ground
In times of life-threatening situation or acute mental pain, people attach it with sex. It’s as if there are fewer of you, or maybe you disappear for good, so it’s urgent to leave a trace in the biological history, well, to relieve the tension. Alice has always been pro casual sex. It’s about desire, about possibility, about freedom, and about choice. Sometimes to fill a void. Because not everyone is in love. Sometimes people don’t meet that very love, like from the movies or even just that normal mutual feeling. Sometimes you just even wonder what it’s like when it’s all about love, a healthy relationship and fucking with you instead of your brain. What were you worse than others if you didn’t get that feeling. The owl crashed on the road. The low self-esteem of the hostage, if a log fell on my foot, then I deserved it. If I was beaten and isolated, then I was there for a reason. How do I get back into all-consuming love? Or what? If you couldn’t build a quality relationship until you were 30, then lie down, cover everything between your legs with a cat, and wait to die?
- Sanctions don’t motivate people to act because you’re taking civilization away from people who already didn’t have it, answered an international expert at a meeting on the world for escape
Seeing the depth of things is a very uncomfortable quality. It makes you keep your eyes in constant tension, and in the end you see more than you’d like to. © When Nietzsche Cried, by Irwin Yalom.